Martyn and Sea Spell in Plymouth Sound, Devon.

A view from the Pandora Inn, Restronguet Creek, Cornwall.

Sea Spell at home in Falmouth Marina, Cornwall.

Early Morning view from Sea Spell on the River Realm, Newton Ferrers, Devon.

Sea Spell in Falmouth Marina, Cornwall

“Salty” Man’s Best Friend

A few years ago I was trying my hand at internet dating and it wasn’t going well, you’ve seen my picture so you know why.

There was a serious point to this, I was looking for someone with similar interests eg sailing to share my life with, be it on a part time or full time basis, however if I was unable to find this unique female, then I would need a plan “B”.

I came across this You Tube video: a Japanese guy sailing a Cornish Shrimper 19 with his dog and thought, if I can’t find the right person, why not do the same as him, get a dog, call it Salty and go sailing.

Plan “B” meet “Salty”

I put a picture of a cute looking dog on the dating website which had the potential to appeal to females and compiled a profile which went like this:

“Salty” cheeky smile and wagging tail, loves his toys and never misses an opportunity to eat all the wrong things, eyes to melt the coldest of hearts, loves sailing and swimming, enjoys walks and at the end of the day wants to curl up with you (unconditional love).

For some strange reason it was an instant success for Salty, he was inundated with fan mail. To make ‘Salty’ a little more interesting I composed daily sensational news headlines and published them on the site, they were totally fictitious and went like this:

“Salty” Lost And Homeless ‘woof’ where am i?

“Salty” In Jeopardy Of Being Impounded

“Salty” In Crisis Talks With Vet

“Salty” In Jeopardy Of Being Put To Sleep

“Salty” Reprieve After Late Night Negotiations

“Salty” Released From Pound Under New Ownership

“Salty” Goes Surfingwoof’ lets surf dude

“Salty” Missing At Sea

“Salty” Found Alive In Sensational Sea Rescue woof’ you took your time 

“Salty” Exposed In Love Triangle (Exclusive) ‘woof’ your place or ours

“Salty” Stands In General Election ‘woof’ vote for me

“Salty” In Hospital, With Suspected Exhaustion ‘woof’ your in good hands

“Salty” Makes Miraculous Recovery

“Salty” Wins Land Mark Court Case ‘woof’ that was a close call

“Salty” Tipped To Be Next Prime Minister (Exclusive)

“Salty” Taken Hostage By Masked Raiders

“Salty” In Heroic Hostage Escape 

“Salty” Investigated For Embezzlement

“Salty” Wins Lottery 

“Salty” Donates Lottery Winnings To Worthwhile Charities

“Salty” Voted The World’s Number One By Canine Monthly

“Salty” Found On Internet Dating Web Site

“Salty” Emails Hacked And Exposed

“Salty” In Hiding After Email Exposure

“Salty” Last Seen Boarding Plane To Unknown Destination

“Salty” Spied In Luxury Caribbean Resort (Exclusive)

“Salty” Makes Guest Appearance At Rock Concert

“Salty” Sings Duet With Well Known Pop Star

“Salty” Seen Out With Fashion Icon

“Salty” Gets Fashion Makeover

“Salty” Has Allergic Reaction To Beauty Treatment 

“Salty” Life Hangs In The Balance Whilst On Life Support ‘woof’ any chance of a bed bath

“Salty” Well Wishers Hold Vigil Outside Hospital

“Salty” In Recovery After Full Body Transplant

“Salty” Waves To Well Wishers From Hospital Balcony

“Salty” On Track To Win Eight Gold Medals At Next Olympics

“Salty” Brings Out Exclusive Cosmetics Range

“Salty” Seen Out Mingling With Royalty

“Salty” Stars In First Film Role

“Salty” Walks The Red Carpet At Glitzy Film Awards Bash

“Salty” Nominated For The Noble Peace Prize

“Salty” Admitted To The Betty Ford Clinic For Drug, Alcohol, Music And Dress Sense Abuse

“Salty” Chosen As UK Ambassador And Role Model

“Salty” To Host Chat Show

“Salty” To Release Life Biography

“Salty” To Star In TV Soap

“Salty” Releases New Album

“Salty” Facing Bankruptcy

“Salty” Last Seen Taking Refuge In A Church

“Salty” Has Religious Experience

“Salty” Meets The Pope

“Salty” Made Head Of United Nations

“Salty” In Assassination Attempt

“Salty” Goes Multi-media Crazy ‘woof’ this is more like it

“Salty” On Face Book ‘woof’ just updating my profile

“Salty” Exceeds One Billion Twitter followers

“Salty” Goes Viral 

“Salty” Gets Infected With Internet Virus 

“Salty” In Computer Meltdown Drama ‘woof’ what mouse?

The outcome from these headlines were quite startling, the dating website took the profile down saying it was not in the spirit of things, Salty was devastated to be terminated.

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